We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
