I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
