Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
