If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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