On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I wish there were birth control emojis
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
