So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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