If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just want to make out with him forever
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
