OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
