It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
