I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
