the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
