Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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