the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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