i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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