As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
