New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
