Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
