She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
