a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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