Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize