I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
