Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize