And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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