$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's blow job season.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
