first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize