sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
