I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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