Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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