The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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