Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
