she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
