My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
