your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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