If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
