We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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