you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
