I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
