i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize