I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize