There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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