Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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