i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
