I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
