I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
