i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
