goodnight i made you a song goodbye
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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