You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
PANTIES FOUND
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