So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
