I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
