doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
