remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just invented taco cereal.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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