As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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