i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
