I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize