The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
