spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
