the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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