my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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