Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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