i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
