The brown eye won't let me do that either.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we're making bets on your personal life
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
