Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize