so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The best revenge is premature balding
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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