My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
