I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize