my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
