the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
