If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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