if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
