Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
