i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
