please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize