By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
