it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
