you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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