oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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