whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
