They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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