my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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