I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize