My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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