i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
