Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
