dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
