About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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