So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
