I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
