She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he shaved USA in his pubs
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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