I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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