its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think my moral compass just broke
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