watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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