hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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