I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
