Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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