Non-Jews are for practice
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
